Whose Voice Is Dictating Your Life?

A quote recently caught my attention on Instagram. It said…

"Your inner world is shaped by your mother. Therefore, how you treat yourself is how your mother treats you. Your perception of the outer world is shaped by your father. Therefore, how you let the world treat you is how your father treats you."

A part of me thinks it's true. Not literally or perfectly, but true enough to reflect on it. 

When I look at people, including myself, I often find that the voice inside our heads sounds suspiciously familiar. The way we encourage ourselves… criticise ourselves… respond to mistakes….The way we carry responsibility and measure our worth…

If we listen carefully enough, we’ll discover that we are not speaking in our own voice at all!

That little voice inside us that feels like us isn’t really us.

We are actually speaking in the voice of someone who raised us!

For many people, that voice belongs to their mother.

If your mother was nurturing, you may have learned how to comfort yourself. If she was critical, you may have become your own harshest critic.

If she carried the weight of the entire family without asking for help, you may have learned that exhaustion is normal and self-sacrifice is admirable.

Likewise, if you were the eldest child, who was repeatedly reminded to be responsible, dependable, and mature… You probably live for others first. And while you call it responsibility, underneath it may be a lifelong belief that your needs come second.

And if you grew up hearing: "People's opinions matter." Whether you like it or not, you eventually stop needing anyone else to say it. You begin saying it to yourself. You begin to hold people’s opinions at the forefront.

And then there is the second half of the quote.

The father.

Do fathers really shape the way we experience the world outside ourselves?

Do they teach us, consciously or unconsciously, what to expect from life, people, authority, society, and relationships?

I think they do.

A father who is absent teaches something. A father who is present teaches something. Let’s see what…

A father who values status above connection, appearances above authenticity, and spends his life concerned with what society thinks quietly teaches you that reputation is more important than reality. That appearances must be preserved, even at the cost of personal and relational happiness.

A father who helps you navigate disappointment, conflict, and criticism teaches you that self-respect matters more than social approval. That personal and relational well-being is worth protecting, even when the world disagrees. That who you are is more important than who the world expects you to be.

Relatable, right? This is what conditioning is.

Our parents' voices become our own. Their beliefs become our beliefs. Their way of relating to the world becomes our template for relating to ourselves.

The voice that you once heard outside now lives deeply inside and quietly dictates how you relate to yourself and to the world around you.

So my dear reader, when you pause to look at your life today, whose script do you see yourself living?

Yours- the one that’s authentically you?

Or theirs?

The script you despised growing up, the one you questioned, fought… Are you living by it, knowingly or unknowingly?

If you want to listen to that voice a little more closely, ask yourself:

Do you feel entitled to exist? Or do you feel obligated to earn your place?

Do you believe self-love is healthy? Or do you secretly admire and believe love requires self-abandonment?

Do you speak to yourself with compassion? Or do you speak to yourself critically?

Do you allow people to push you down? Or do you believe you have the right to take up space?

And now, whose voice is taking up so much space inside you?

Because if you listen closely, it may not be yours at all.

The final thought I want to leave you with to reflect on is…

If the invisible scripts you have been living by for years do not belong to you... and if these voices were inherited, do they still deserve authority over your life?

When you answer that honestly, that is when your healing will begin.

Not in therapy or insight.

But in recognition and in choice.

Until next time,
Shuchi